Insanity

Well, my intentions to have a blog were good, but unfortunately my time is limited so I barely have time to write. Whoever said that there is no difference between having one and two kids is a big, fat liar. Somedays my head is swimming and my patience is very thin. Other days are wonderful and my children make me happier than anything in the world. Those are the days I try to remember because lately there have been more hectic than calm days. Alex is colicky and also has acid reflux and can scream like a woman. He cries and cries and cries and cries.......do you get my drift? It leaves me very little time to maintain my house, which I am obsessed with, but I know these days will pass and will be forgotten just as they were with Jack and Grace. My mom reminded me of a poem my Grandma Hazel cross-stitched for her when we were young:

I hope my children look back on today

and see a parent who had time to play.

There will be years for cleaning and cooking

but children grow up when we're not looking.

Ain't that the truth? Jack is starting preschool soon and Gracie will be having her second birthday this month. It seems like their "baby days" are gone and now I am having conversations with both of them. It's crazy. Where in the world did that time go? So, as for my blog I will write now and again. It's hard to type when you have a baby on your lap and a kid hanging off of each arm!

The Birth of Alex

Oh, thank God that is finally over! I knew from the very minute I got pregnant that I was growing another little baby in my body. It made for a very, very long pregnancy. After having placenta previa, my pubic bones separate, excrutiating back pain and contractions for 18 weeks I was finally induced on June 02, 2009. I am not exactly certain how long I was in labor since I was induced, but from the time my water broke to the time I delivered was over 8 hours. This was supposed to be my fast and easy delivery, but I am one of those people who doesn't do things the easy way. When it came time to push Alex was facing the wrong way. He was in posterior position which is head down but face up. This makes it much harder for him to get around my pelvis and makes it much more painful for me. I pushed for about 1 hour and finally he came out. Oh, what a relief it was! Afterwards the nurse told me what a wonderful job I did pushing because almost all babies in the posterior position end up in c-sections. In fact, there is only a 5% chance that babies deliver in that position and it is usually in the first pregnancy. Then out of that 5% about 1% of women are actually able to push the baby out. I must say that I am extremely proud of myself for completing that feat. Now I have a beautiful baby to show for all of that pain and suffering. It will be a good story to guilt him with when he is older. My mother still blames her belly fat on me and she had me 34 years ago! Alexander Reed Killin was born on June 02, 2009 at 10:24 pm. He weighed 9 lbs. 5 ozs. and is 22 1/2 inches long. He is strong and healthy and can already hold his head up on his own. We did have to stay a day longer though since our blood types are not compatible. He is at a higher risk of being jaundice and in fact is moderately high right now. We just have to keep an eye on him and make sure he is eating and pooping enough to get all of the icky stuff out. Now I feel like my family is complete. My grandma told me that when she and grandpa had only two kids that she felt like they were a couple with two kids, but when they had their third they felt like a family. I must say that I agree. Grace and Jack love their little brother and we have such a wonderful future ahead of us. It was definitely worth every minute of it!

Why is it so hard?

I want to know why it is so much easier to think of things to complain about than be thankful for. There are a million things that I could list that are wrong in my life, yet I sit here and struggle to think of 5 small things per day to be thankful for. I think that my outlook will change a lot once the baby is born. At the moment I am so uncomfortable and in so much pain I just want to go to bed and only get up to go to the hospital to give birth. I actually don't even want to do that. I would love to stay in the comfort of my own home and have Alex here, yet I don't trust myself enough not to panic and want a doctor present just in case. I doesn't help that we are 35 minutes from the hospital also. I am just longing for the days when I can bend over again without struggling and walk without severe back pain. I want to sleep on my stomach and go to bed without acid reflux for once. Four more weeks, if that. The doctor thinks I will have Alex by mid-May and I hope he is right. It has been so hard to take care of Jack and Grace lately, plus they are in the phase where they get into absolutely everything. Is it a phase or is it just the way they are? I don't know, but I hope things become normal soon. I like organization and right now my life is total chaos. See, how I can think of all of the negatives! I still think of the positives too. It just takes a little more concentration. But wouldn't life be boring then?

Grace in Small Things

I have decided that I complain just a little too much about things. From now on I am going to start off my day by choosing five things to be thankful for.... the little things in life that make me truly happy, but I don't take the time to see.

April 17, 2009
1. The little kisses from the little people that live in my house.
2. The life that is growing inside of me and kicking me as I write this.
3. The new signs of life that I am seeing in my yard everyday.
4. My mother who is a wonderful and supportive woman.
5. My husband who doesn't mind driving to get me candy during a pregnancy craving.

Of course, I had to start off with the big things!

April 18, 2009
1. Sleeping with the windows open and waking up to the sound of the birds chirping.
2. The taste of freshly squeezed orange juice.
3. The beautiful weather we finally get to enjoy.
4. A clean house.
5. The silly new laugh Grace has started using.

April 19, 2009
1. The smell of the fresh spring rain.
2. The rare three hour nap that I took today.
3. The feeling of accomplishment when I actually have nothing to do because it is already done.
4. White cupcakes with pink frosting.
5. Seeing my kids play nicely instead of fighting.

April 20, 2009
1. The fact that I am logical.
2. I love that Jack is so sweet and gives random hugs and kisses.
3. The leak in the ceiling in the foyer because that means I have a roof over my head.
4. The birds nest that was built in my wreath on the front door. Now we get to watch the cycle of life with the birds.
5. Mindless TV, like Dancing With the Stars and American Idol. Sometimes my mind just needs a break.

April 21, 2009
1. That I made it through the day today.
2. That teething tablets are non-toxic.
3. My new camera that actually takes pictures quickly enough to catch my kids before they move.
4. Pants that fit.
5. Ice cold water.

April 22, 2009
1. Earth Day!
2. My new organic cotton comforter.
3. My sister and neices coming for almost two weeks in the summer.
4. The look on Jack's face when he heard the baby's heartbeat today.
5. The delicious meal my wonderful husband made for me tonight.

April 24, 2009
1. Spending the entire day yesterday in bed - even though I felt awful it was nice just to do nothing.
2. The sound of Grace whistling.
3. The opening of Dad's and the first taste of a Snickers Snowstorm with chocolate yogurt.
4. Hanging my clothes out to dry.
5. The smell of freshly cut grass wafting through my window.

April 25, 2009
1. Early morning thunderstorms.
2. Grace's free spirit.
3. Jack's silliness.
4. Being able to have my windows open to feel the breeze.
5. That I can still fit through windows even though I am fat! The kids locked me out of the house yesterday and I had to crawl through the window to get back in. Not an easy task for a pregnant woman.

April 26, 2009
1. A good nights sleep with kids that slept through the night.
2. The little porch off of the livingroom so the kids can be outside.
3. The fresh chives from my garden.
4. The smell of food cooking on the grill.
5. My thoughtful sister.

April 29, 2009
1.The three days Bill had off to spend time with me and the kids.
2. The amount of things I got to cross off my to-do list.
3. The fact that I already have my Mother's Day gifts purchased.
4. Tums.
5. A full freezer of food.

May 01, 2009
1. The nest the birds built in the wreath on the front door.
2. Parenting books that will hopefully work.
3. My mom coming this weekend to help with the kids.
4. Bedtime is at 8:00!
5. Homemade chocolate chip cookies.

May 03, 2009
1. The wonderful gardening cookbook my mom gave me.
2. The German Apple Pancake I made this morning from the cookbook mom gave me. I was absolutely delicious.
3. Perennials. Saves so much money when they come back year after year.
4. That I made it one more week into my pregnancy. Only 4 weeks left.
5. My moms help this weekend with the kids.

May 06, 2009
1. That I am one doctors appointment closer to giving birth.
2. Gracie didn't get carsick this time!
3. Homemade Blackberry Dumplings. Holy cow they were good!
4. The smell of the lilac bushes in our yard.
5. My comfortable home.

May 07, 2009
1. Jackson was accepted into preschool today! It seems way too soon for me, but Bill is excited about it.
2. Today is my parents anniversary. They were married for 35 years before my father passed away.
3. Parents that were always supportive and let me know that I was loved. And still am.
4. Tylenol with codeine.
5. The dark clouds rolling in which means a good thunderstorm is brewing.

May 08, 2009
1. That I made it through another day.
2. Having children. Even though they drove me nuts today I still have them.
3. My wonderful mother who is coming next week to plant my garden for me.
4. My friend, Jennifer, who always has an open ear and understands what I am going through.
5. My clean kitchen which I am sure will last for about 5 more minutes.

May 09, 2009
1. The hour long nap that I took while my husband did the dishes and folded laundry.
2. Fresh guacamole.
3. Pink tulips.
4. The bulbs that are coming up in our shade garden.
5. The fact that we have an escrow account to pay for the ginormous tax bill that we got today!

May 10, 2009
1. I was actually able to cut both kids hair last night without a huge fit being thrown.
2. Mother's Day.
3. The viburnum flower that Jack picked for me today.
4. My thoughtful husband who got me a dozen pink roses and some flowers and flower boxes for the front porch.
5. A less painful day of walking. My back does not hurt nearly as much today as it has the past few days.

May 13, 2009
1. That I no longer have to worry about our dog biting our kids.
2. That I avoided having my cervix checked. I hate it! It is so painful!
3. That I have all of my grocery shopping done until after Alex makes his arrival.
4. The beautiful flowers that we got yesterday to complete our side flower garden.
5. My kids were both wonderful today and Gracie didn't melt down until we were almost home.

May 14, 2009
1. I am happy that I made it to my 34th birthday with good health and a happy life.
2. I was able to start planting my garden today since Bill finally got it tilled.
3. That my house is actually calm today since we are minus one dog.
4. That I found apple and ginger mint-finally!
5. That my mom is here for three days so I don't have to worry as much about going into labor and not having anyone to take me to the hospital and watch the kids.

May 19, 2009
I have missed a couple of days here. Alex doesn't want to seem to come out and I am in so much pain it is hard to think of the little things to be thankful for, but I will give it a go....
1. That I am one day closer to having a beautiful new baby.
2. One day closer to being able to shave my legs again.
3. One day closer to being able to lay on my stomach.
4. One day closer to being able to walk at a normal pace.
5. One day closer to being able to lay down without having acid reflux, indigestion, heart burn or any other pain that goes with being pregnant.
I am also thankful that this is the very last time that I am ever going to go through this pain ever, ever again! Okay, Alex, anyday now.

May 30, 2009
Again, it has been some time since I have written anything. I have had several "false alarms" with Alex and have even gone to the hospital and was admitted. Of course, I was sent home 5 hours later with no baby to show for it! So, let's see if I can find some things that I am thankful for today.
1. My induction is scheduled for Tuesday which means I will only be pregnant for 3 more days!
2. I finally got my herb garden planted.
3. My mom has been a God send and has been here the past three weekends to help out.
4. My friend, Theresa, who will come at the drop of a dime to watch the kids.
5. My wonderful marriage that actually is a happy one with no secrets or problems.

May 31, 2009
1. Only two more days left of pregnancy!
2. After I give birth I will be able to cross one more thing off of my 101 list. I love completing a task from the list. Especially a task this big.
3. Watching the little birdies that live in the wreath on our front door change every day. Grace even says goodnight to them every night.
4. The peace in my house since we only have two dogs now.
5. Seeing the little sprouts from the seeds I planted in my herb garden.

June 06, 2009
1. The birth of my beautiful baby boy Alexander Reed Killin.
2. My pregnancy is finally over!
3. My milk finally came in.
4. Cabbage leaves
5. My clean shaven legs and pretty painted toe nails.

June 20, 2009
1. The help I have had over the past two weeks.
2. Seeing my sister and her family.
3. I finally am starting to feel normal.
4. All my children are healthy and happy.
5. Jack and Grace love their little brother and are not jealous.

July 09, 2009
1. Alex is finally sleeping! A colicky baby is no fun.
2. That I actually have some time to be thankful for things instead of bouncing up and down with a crying baby in my arms.
3. My new slipcovers for the wingback chairs in our parlor. They should be arriving within 5 days and I will no longer have to look at the stained and ripped upholstery.
4. New clothes that fit.
5. My newfound inner serenity.

Pregnancy

I don't know how women do this over and over and over again. This is my third baby in three years and I feel like I am not going to make it to the end. For the past 32 weeks I have been completely exhausted except for one week which was a total teaser. I feel awful for my children since I haven't been able to do a whole lot with them. I had placenta previa in the beginning which limited my activity and my bones have already separated which makes it hard for me to walk for long periods of time. I have been having contractions for the past two months or so and they are just getting more frequent and more painful. I really am not "good" at being pregnant. Now the panic of having three kids 3 and under is starting to set in. Jack and Grace still get up in the middle of the night and now I am going to throw a new born into the mix. Will I ever sleep again? Of course, I am not the only woman in the world going through this and I know I will figure it out, but the thought of it is a bit overwhelming. But the thought of holding that little tiny baby in my arms tops it all. The smell of his sweet breath, the closeness you feel while nursing, just watching him sleep.......it all makes it worth it. If I could only just fast forward a bit! I am also wondering how the kids will adjust to a new baby in the house. I think Jack will be okay with it, but Grace is a whole other story. How can an adorable tiny girl be so mean?! She is bossy and whiny and demanding. I can't believe the difference between Jack and Grace. Thank God I am having another boy!
Well, only a couple of more weeks and I will have forgotten all that I went through to have baby Alexander. Then, next thing you know it will be his first birthday, his first day of school, his first lost tooth and I will be wondering what happened to the time. Now time to tend to the other fighting kids in my house!

I love having energy

After 5 1/2 months of pregnancy I finally have my energy back and it feels soooooo good. I literally though I was dying for awhile, but now I feel refreshed and ready to go. I have had a very productive two weeks. I finished painting our downstairs bathroom and the nursery plus I have completely organized several of the rooms in our house so that everything has its own place. For months I have wasted so much time wandering around looking for things the kids have hidden. Now there is no place to hide! I also finally have Jack potty trained! I would have to say that is my biggest accomplishment. He had no interest for a long time, but I swore I would have him potty trained by his third birthday and I did it! With the help of my wonderful husband, of course.
I have also been taking some time for myself which is something I never have done. I read for at least 30 minutes a day in addition to what I read before bed at night. I even took over two hours yesterday to watch a french movie called Amelie and I didn't even multi-task when I did it! Of course, I couldn't have even if I wanted to because it had subtitles that I had to concentrate on.

So, I am finally starting to feel productive again instead of a big lump of blah and it feels really good. I hope it continues!

101 Things in 1,001 Days

I love lists! I love writing them and I love crossing things off. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment. I recently came across a wonderful idea to write a list of 101 things to complete in 1,001 days. Things I have been putting off, things that would make others feel good, things that would make me feel good..... They may be big, they may be small, but as long as you complete the task it is a success.

101 Things in 1,001 Days
Beginning January 16, 2009
Ending October 14, 2011

Not yet started

In progress

Completed

1. Write letters to Grandpa Bertolin, Grandma Oleson and Aunt Charlotte once a month.
2. Send pictures to my in-laws once a month.
3. Take kids camping in tent in backyard.
4. Give Birth! Praise God this task is complete! Alexander Reed was born June 02 at 10:24 pm!
5. Completely finish downstairs bathroom.
(paint wall) 01-24-09 (sew curtain for washer and dryer)
(paint woodwork) 02-10-09 (recaulk tub)
(purchase bathmat)
(Purchase tan washcloths and handtowels)
(new sink faucet)
(build shelving unit) 01/27/09
6. Have wisdom teeth pulled-I have put this off for over 17 years!
7. Have teeth cleaned every six months and cavities filled.
8. Have bottom teeth straightened.
9. Save $1,000 in savings account.
10. Build a tornado shelter in basement.
11. Learn to knit.
12. Learn to sew properly.
13. Make a dress for myself.
14. Reduce credit card debt.
15. Grow my own luffa sponge.
16. Make homemade butter.
17. Sell Celica.
18. Reduce swearing-also a very difficult task!
19. Hang dry clothes on all nice days. since it is now winter I won't be able to do this, but I do love my clothes with that nice fresh air smell
20. Make homemade mayonnaise.
21. Knit myself a scarf.
22. Have more patience with the dogs. Our obnoxious dog is no longer with us so it is much easier to be patient with the two old ladies we have left.
23. Have vehicles maintained when necessary.
24. Go to a movie with Bill once a month.
25. Host a dinner for friends every three months.
26. Have chairs recovered in parlor. 07-16-09 I got some pretty slipcovers that make the chairs look brand new.
27. Start playing the piano again.
28. Take a trip to VA. We took a hellish trip to VA the first week of Oct. I don't think we will be traveling again until the kids get older!
29. Research how Hitler died. He died from an apparent self-inflicted gunshot to the head
for those of you who didn't know.
30. Learn more about politics.
31. Varnish all kitchen cabinets.
32. Build guest room in basement.
33. Take all donations to Goodwill or give away on Freecycle. 02-18-09
34. Get my business "Perfectly Imperfect" on the Paxton website. Instead of having a website
I have decided to open my own store. It is in the works right now! The store has been opened! July 3rd, 2010
35. After giving birth incorporate exercise into daily routine.
36. Give up Diet Pepsi for one week.
37. Give up Diet Pepsi for one month.
38. Learn how to use Etsy. I signed up for Etsy in September of 2009
39. Finish painting the exterior of our house.
40. Learn to golf.
41. Take Jack to the dentist. Jack had his first teeth cleaning in October of 2009
42. Potty train Jack. Yay!! We finally did it and it only took about 2 weeks!
43. Can salsa with ingredients grown in my gardens.
44. Grow flowers that can be dried and used in wreaths.
45. Make all cleaning supplies.
46. Learn to make lye soap.
47. Learn to make candles.
48. Save $5.00 a week in each childs savings account.
49. Learn how to make jewelry.
50. Make homemade bread once a week.
51. Write letters to my children.
52. Learn to make a proper bow for wreaths.
53. Donate food to food pantry. 11-22-09
54. Make at least two crafts per week.
55. Pay mom back.
56. Jar my own pickles.
57. Plant a blueberry bush. 03/29/10
58. Attempt to make my own organic beauty products.
59. Pay one extra mortgage payment per year.
60. Make an authentic Indian meal for Bill. 01/19/10 Yum!
61. Build a bat house.
62. Build boxes for vegetable garden.
63. Finish moms scrapbooks. I finished one in Feb.
64. Have Grace and Alex baptized.
65. Spend more time reading to the kids.
66. Visit Stelle, IL.
67. Learn to shoot a gun.
68. Have TV's fixed.
69. Buy a water barrel for garden use. Bill got me a water barrel for my 34th birthday!
70. Have my disgusting mole removed.
71. Have cholesterol checked.
72. Plant a fruit tree. On November 08, 2009 I planted 3 paw paw trees and 1 persimmon tree.
73. Take the kids to see the ocean. Bill and I took the kids to see the Chesapeake Bay in Norfolk VA in October of 2009
74. Read a book that normally would not interest me.
75. Paint woodwork in entire house.
76. Get a library card. 04-30-09
77. Make a quilt.
78. Grow my own peanuts and make peanut butter.
79. Make homemade syrup. 01-21-09
80. Finally watch Amelie. 02-02-09
81. Overcome my fear of vomit. This one I am dreading the most. I can't say that I have "overcome" my fear, but I can actually deal with it now. Grace was in the hospital a couple of days ago because she had RSV. She was throwing up liver bile and I didn't die. I think that is as good as it is going to get.
82. Take a class.
83. Make irrigation system for garden.
84. Make a growhouse in basement for seedlings.
85. Take 30 minutes a day to read.
86. Get a pedicure.
87. Cook more meals in advance and freeze them. I have done it all summer, but will continue in the winter
88. Buy or make Christmas gifts in advance.
89. Instead of buying Christmas gifts for nieces and nephews donate gifts to needy children.
90. Get a tan!
91. Go an entire day with no TV.
92. Send cards and gifts on time.
93. Make my own toothpaste. 04-15-09 Yuck!
94. Make a new friend. Yay!!
95. Write Fiona a letter. I finally found her on facebook!
96. Eat every meal at the kitchen table for one month. We did it the entire month of March 2009 and will continue, especially since I steam cleaned my carpets!
97. Floss my teeth every night.
98. No eating out for one month. I started on November 1st 2009 and finished Dec. 1st.
99. Have a family portrait taken.
100.Take walks more often.
101.Grow an avocado tree.